Forgiveness Heals – My testimony

I believe I should tell the world something right now. I have been somewhat silent (especially blogging) and I felt ashamed. I was on fire for God last year. Those who knew me, knows I would do absolutely anything to reach people back then… Just to know that God loves them… I would pray, heal, basically anything. And God would always lead and be there.

But something went wrong, I stumbled!!! I couldn’t get up, Couldn’t ask for help, Couldn’t even write… I felt to ashamed to ask for help. I had no support, Felt like I had no friends… And when I really need someone even today, I only have a friend about 60 km away who I can message and ask for help.

Friday night I was on the verge of ending a friendship, because the person always seemed to neglect me… I was hurt, and I hurt her very much. On Friday I asked my friend to pray for I was so mad at her, I was nearing hate…

Saturday I went to one of my colleagues to just talk a bit and hang out a little. God started leading me somewhere. I went down this path and I was led toward one of the first video clips linked to my blog… “The Godless Generation” done as part of The Anima Series videos. I started thinking about it and God showed me to give this friend another chance… I watch more videos and God did the same and it was clear what I have to do.

I walked home praying and begging God for the chance. I asked her and at first I got rejected the opportunity to talk to her… I was about 2 blocks away from her house when she asked me to come back. So I technically ran back to her. Because I was hoping it will happen.

I started of begging her to forgive me, because I spoke out of hurt. HURT PEOPLE LIKE ME TEND TO HURT OTHER PEOPLE.

The second thing I told her is that I am willing to keep fighting for the friendship.

Lastly, I forgave her for the hurt she caused me… The rejection I experienced from her actions and even that which felt like she would rather not have me in her life… All are real experiences, with real consequences which really did hurt me… But I needed to let go of this

Now there is a reason I am sharing this.. It is not because I want to prove something I did… BUT WHAT GOD DID.

Here is what God did: I struggle to forgive… Myself and others. I had rubbish of more than a year attached to me, which I could not let go because I felt wronged and every time I get wronged, it comes back to a prior hurt being brought up again.

I was able to forgive, for the first time I actually know of… This was my wall between me and God. God was there, I was so enclosed by unforgiveness that I couldn’t hear God. I struggled with it. So much that I wasn’t able to even talk to Him.

This morning I saw again something that brought an attack on this. I saw that I was once again not invited to something my friend was doing. It hurt all over again… And I had to forgive her again. And peace came upon me.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT A WAY TO RELEASE SOMEONE, IT IS A WAY TO RELEASE YOURSELF. AND KEEP OPEN THE COMMUNICATION LINE WITH GOD. God will deal with those who wronged us. We forgive to release our own need for vengeance.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19 NIV)

For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” (Hebrews 10:30 NIV)

Remember this does not mean that they will go to hell because they wronged you. But God will deal with them and change them. and maybe one day things will be as God made them to be in their lives.

It is not about us… It is ABOUT GOD. ‪#‎ForgivenessHeals‬