My Story
I would like to share a bit of my story… As my story may give some hope to those who are struggling with their emotions. I believe people should be experiencing emotions. I also know that pain may cause us to choose not to feel anything…
Emotions is a subject most people avoid talking about… There are statements like “cowboys don’t cry” that goes against emotions… This is however a fairly important subject, as I myself have had a few years of struggling with it…
I believe that emotions, crying included, has a place in our lives… There are many situations that require us laughing and others crying… And I have found that crying helps when we struggle, or miss someone… The big reason I have for crying is when I go through pain… The interesting part is that in the midst of pain, healing can come from crying…
There was this one day in which I went through much difficulty. The only thing I was able to do was to burst into tears I thought I was one of the weakest people at that point and I felt pretty much useless… Then a friend send me a picture with the same quote as below…
I understand what the issue is about emotions, and that people do not want to feel weak… I WAS ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T BELIEVE IN ANY FORM OF EMOTIONS…
When I gave up emotions
When I was about 11 or 12 years old everything about emotions started for me… At that point, being barely a teenager, I got hurt emotionally… The issue wasn’t getting hurt, but not wanting to get hurt again… Well what happened was that I had gone through a lot of rejection in a short time. One part of the rejection was falling in love, while others just didn’t want to have anything to do with me… Now this I didn’t want to go through again…
At this point in my life, I was among people who didn’t know how to treat people with integrity. It was because of this that I stopped wanting to feel any emotions… I then started to block out emotions, bit by bit destroying any form of feeling I had… It took me about a year to break emotion to no feeling… After this I believed nothing was able to destroy me again… I build up a wall and protected myself… Due to this I became alone, and a new issue came up… Loneliness…
At this point crying was a rare occasion, only in cases where I might lose or have lost someone I really cared about…
The Turning Point of Emotions
About 6 years ago I broke… I was still without emotion, but the way people treated me angered me a lot… The issue is not what they did, but I never spoke about the things that hurt me… Thus I became to that point fairly explosive… I reached the limit of what I was able to hold in… The wall I build up shattered, and the worst part was I had no control over it… At this point I had so much anger, and that was still emotions that I failed to deal with.
This anger turned to hate, and the way I spoke hurt a lot of people… At this point I didn’t really care about what my words did, as I was hurt and it was the people who hurt me whom I mostly talked to, wanting them to hurt too…
When someone hurt me, I do get hurt. This is especially true if I trust that person. But they sometimes also have hurts. At the point where they hurt us, we may be unaware, but yes they do have hurt too. Here is My confession:
I do know I am not perfect, because I still have a lot of hurt, I never really had friends, and people do reject me for no reason that I am aware of… But that is the place I will always find when I need to grow.
I did blog a few times about love… And today is where I have to make a choice, I can’t live from pain anymore. I CHOOSE TO LIVE IN LOVE… Yes people hurt and people are not always observant to see a cry for help… But those I will forgive, and those I will love even more…
Love is the source of healing… I know I have deviated a bit from emotions, but this is something to me that is linked. I now realize that some emotions are there for healing purpose…
The joy of the Lord is my strength – laughter makes lives easier, especially when something goes wrong…
For those who believe that crying makes you weak:
Remember that John 11:35 says that Jesus wept.
There are many men in the bible that wept and cried, some needed healing, some needed strength and this emotions gave it to them… Healing came because Jesus had compassion on those who needed healing.
We can be healed, and then we can break the chains of hurting people… These pains are sometimes needed to make us stronger, but we should always be ready to love one in pain… ALWAYS…
I hope this gave some perspective on emotions, it was from who I am… And I know I am not perfect… The pain is real, but the healing is even more real…
God bless, You are made to be amazing…