Who am I? Part 2 – Friends

My Story

I would like to share a bit of my story… As my story may give some hope to those who may need help on the topic of having friends…

In Who am I? Part 1 – Rejection and Pain I mentioned that one of my biggest issues is my fear of rejection… Well today, I am going into a struggle which is very closely related to that… I always wondered what it meant to have friends and what it means to be a friend… So I am hopefully going to be able to help some with a part of my life story

Back in School

When I was in l Primary School (in South Africa), I didn’t really have friends. We were a lot of students. Unfortunately everyone was already excellent at judging and pushing away those who do not make the cut. I had to buy friends, because I didn’t know how it should have been. Funny thing though, non of them are my friends today.

When I went to high school, I had no friends until the 14th of February that year. That was when a few Matric students, seniors in high schools, approached me and made me feel part of them. And that was the first time in my life, I felt like someone cared. Yet they were senior so I only saw them for about 8 months… It was then that I realized that there are some who does care. During worship one morning in grade 9, I saw two girls who were totally different from everyone… When I went through a struggle after that, I went to them and they were the real deal and caring…

In church I haven’t seen many people who would try to make a person feel like part of the family. There was one church however that did. They welcomed me as if they knew me for ages. I felt like it was family, rather that a church… Before that church and since I haven’t found it there much.

The search

In many christian organizations I searched, I rarely found friends. I thought I would find something more…

A year and 9 months ago I went through a bad time. This was the result of being judged by people and it had huge consequences in my life… I wrote songs for most of my High School career, this is now about 10 year since I started… I stopped playing guitar, writing songs and singing…. Most people will judge me, because I quit because of people.. And I am OK, if that is this case… I went to someone I trusted at that point, BUT he had no time to listen when I struggled, the result of this was that I stopped worshiping, went into a severe depression and I stopped going to church(for a month). Now I was without the things THAT WAS ABLE TO FREE ME FROM THIS HELL I WAS LIVING IN.

After 9 months I met a group of people who actually cared, and for the first time experienced caring again. But still no music… It was about 3 weeks after that, when I started worship again and playing guitar… This was to some extend very hard for me and even harder for me to start… I some days still struggle… Because I do not know how long I will have these friends… I still struggle to write songs, but If God is with me I can write them… Which is how it was anyway…

The Big Change

Last year September, I met a girl… she was the first person that didn’t judge me, and accepted me for who I am… I believe she has AUTHENTIC LOVE… God used her to give me great input and I am very thankful… I came to realize, by her involvement in my life, that all people are made to be amazing… And that by her, that I realized that I am worth more than I always accepted it to be… I became stronger, because she kept encouraging me, she was there when some of my friends ran away, because I was going through a though time… and I came to care for her, and trust her more than I ever thought I would be able to trust anyone…

But today I am going to say one thing that may shock you…

SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND, AND I KNOW THAT EVEN THE BEST OF FRIENDS MAY FIGHT… I was in tears for the last couple days, because I was afraid of losing her, because I do not know what I will do when I lose her… I do hope that I do not lose her, but if I do I at least know one thing. At least I had the privilege to get to know her for 6 months, the privilege to see God work in her, and through her… and see how she can change the world by just being obedient… And for all of this I am very grateful…

You might think less of me, but losing someone is always hard, and the thought that I may lose her is driving me to tears at the moment… During the morning I have been in tears, even while I am at work…

I BELIEVE GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE WILL NEVER DO SOMETHING THAT WILL DESTROY A PERSON…

God loves you and you are amazing

God Bless