How did we come to a world driven by so much pain, that when we look in the mirror we see a beggar instead of a prince or princess?
Questions like this are bothering people of all ages. And this in turn is something that I believe should be dealt with.
Some of the things people say:
If only I had hope…
If only someone loved me…
If only my life was different…
The world would be better without me…
I am worthless…
I can do nothing right…
(You can add whatever you believe and falls into this…)
And if such a person gets a complement, they shove it off as a lie… I would know… These were me excuses for a long time… However, this all changed only by the GRACE OF GOD…
BUT HOW…? Can it REALLY change?
How did it start for me?
The first time this was in my life, was when I was confronted with the choice of suicide while still in grade 7, at the age of 12 or 13…
While I was in school some years ago, everything was great, I had no real friends, and most people thought of me as worthless, however I had Jesus… And this gave me strength.
I went to varsity, things became different, a workload like nothing I have ever felt before and there I gained knowledge, but the knowledge was limited to the technology we used (since I studied Information Technology and Mathematics). And in my second semester I failed a test… It was the worst feeling in my life… I never failed anything before. I however got over this.
A year later I failed a subject and two years after that almost half my subjects (I did finish my studies in the end).
I didn’t know what happened in my life that I got to a point where I failed half my year… It messed with me…
On the other side I had people my whole life saying that I have little to no worth, that there was something wrong with me and more…
While I was in school, I could laugh this off, however in the year I failed half my year, I ended up falling into a serious depression, almost destroying me completely.
I had issues with loved ones and church. I just wanted out, No one wanted to listen… So then I started wondering:
“Am I really this worthless, that no one ever thought it would matter if they could help me.”
This haunted me for very long, And it was a painful process. I went down the most intense negative spiral you could ever imagine… I stopped worshiping in church… No singing for 9 months, Left church for a month, when I returned, no one even realized I was gone… People suggested I do anti-depressants, but I knew this was not the answer… My depression was nothing more than a plot of the devil against my life.
This is the start only.
What happened next?
I met a ministry group about 8 months into this negative spiral, where I felt family for the first time in a long time, but I was depressed, I had some better days, but negativity overwhelmed me most of the time. My relationships with my family were destroyed to almost nothing… I had no friends, and on top of that:
“If there is a God, please kill me, I am worthless, mean nothing and have nothing to give.”
I met a couple of people who would tell me straight to man up and in staying where I was, that I would only prolong the suffering. Some others gave me an ultimatum: Get up and fight it, or we leave. These are now some of my best friends.
“But I can’t. If you know how, show me”
“No this is your battle, and you fight it. God gave you the strength” I didn’t like this, since I never understood. At this point I got to a place where I worshiped God for the first time in 9 months.
I started seeking and meeting God… But this didn’t just take it away. I went on a camp based on the Holy Spirit. Got a lot of prophecy and so on , but everyone else experienced God, except for me…
“God, I tried everything and I am not even good enough for You to show You are there. I just wasted my time”
Went back home and continued with my life, still in ruins.
Another of these camps. God touched me, and a overflow of joy came upon me, and I saw God’s power. On this camp I was however also freed from a self proclaimed curse, and the bondage of death. And I prayed for people and God moved, It was so much that God needed to increase my capacity for His Holy Spirit a couple of times. But depression was still there…
You may not believe it, but God is there waiting.
I met a couple of Americans, and I was so negative. I talked to the one guy after taking them to a mall for shopping and so on… He challenged me: “What is God telling you?”
“Nothing, I do not hear God”
After he went somewhere and came back (and basically the third time I tried hearing God), he made this statement: “You once heard His voice, and you knew Him, your circumstances just overwhelmed you, God still talks to you today. BELIEVE.”
I was shocked, And then for the first time in more than a year I heard God.
But my depression was still there…
But how did I get over it?
This is where I continue, this is how I beat it, this is what I can share… Because NO ONE NEEDS TO SUFFER AND EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW HOW TO WIN IN THIS.
Firstly, if this happens to you, do not blame God… This is only the proof that the devil hates what you can become. I was tormented by the devil for the first time when I was 5 years old… I didn’t know this…
Secondly, you are not alone… If you feel alone you can contact me on the contact me page, if you need prayer, I will pray. If this is a struggle for you and no one understands, I do, Send me a message. The pain I hear daily is a far cry from what God called us for and how God intended us to be at the beginning of creation.
“Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so. God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.” (Gen 1:26-31 NASB)
If I can help, please contact me, I will get back as soon as possible. You are worth it… I believe that, and I will fight with and for you. And as mentioned I was there… SO I KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL, AND I WANT TO HELP.
Now…
1. Seek for things to be thankful for:
Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His name. (Ps 100:4 HCSB)
I never understood this. Why isthis so important? Why if I see the bad, should I look for the good? Here is why… What we focus on, consumes our lives.
But I see nothing good…
Let me help you a bit…
“You are awake, its a miracle…”
“You can observe the world, be it by touch, sight, hearing, smell or taste… Some others don’t have it, at least not all of it… (no offense to those who do not have it…)”
“You can breath…”
“There is beauty all around…”
“You are beautiful…”(believe it or not)
“You are loved” (believe it or not)
2. Get someone you can talk to, AND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU CAN TRUST THIS PERSON WITH YOUR LIFE.
I never had friends, but when I found them, I could trust them. If I struggle, they pray… When they struggle, I pray… They might have gone through it and they can help, and someday you can help others…
3. Find God’s goodness:
Now I have one close friend, and we speak almost daily… He set out on a ridiculous challenge, and yes, IT WAS TOUGH. The 31 days of God’s goodness… Think of this for a second… He set out to find 31 things of why God is good… This is faith that God will come through… He told me in the middle of it, that he is struggling… And I started praying and asking him daily how he was, and he let me know if things are off… He did beat the struggle… But he admits that if He was not focused on God’s goodness, he might not have been able too…
4. Learn to love yourself:
You cannot love another if you are not able to love yourself, and loving yourself also helps to know who you are and this in turn helps beat this harsh fate we see in the world today…
If you are struggling with this, I want to challenge you to something I did… And another friend of mine is currently in this fight… Also undergoing a negative spiral, where he felt God let him down… A challenge to love yourself is hard, and only someone who would really want it can deal with the challenge, and yes I struggled, yet finished…
Do this on yourself, not a love one… Since the one you want to learn to love is yourself. For instance if you should not say anything negative to yourself, you are obligated to only speak positive, to everyone… Because speaking negative with anyone is also speaking negative to yourself. This is tough, and I want to ask. If you plan to undergo this, message me in the contact me, so I can pray for you. And let me know what the results are. And if you struggle let me know, and I will gladly pray with you… I know the struggle, and I know you can make it through it.
5. Seek God, Speak to God and trust God:
Most important is that we should keep our sights on Christ, no matter what. Losing sight of God ends only in our own destruction… I lost sight of Him and I ended up begging him for death. He gave me a new life and refused my request for death.
If you are far from God and struggling let me know. Tell me your story, and I will pray with you. And I trust with you.
6. Help others:
I found that even in the biggest depression, if someone needed help, my depression would fade away for me to help them… Our strength is in being together not apart.
“Maybe feeling alone is what the devil wants most, because one alone is easier to defeat that the army that is standing behind that one”
Some of the MYTHS busted:
If only I had hope… – You DO, JESUS IS YOUR HOPE… Jer 29:11
If only someone loved me… – Someone does, He believe you are to die for. So Jesus died for you. -John 3:16
If only my life was different… – With God your life is different, but people hate that. The hated Jesus because He was different. The difference… You are loved and you have a hope
The world would be better without me… – NO IT WON’T… I want to be fair, we don’t like this response, but this is the only one I have… IT WON’T… God made you for a time as this, and just that make you needed… Only you can do what God called you to do and the way you do it.
I am worthless… – You have more worth than much money. You are the pinnacle of God’s creation. AND HE CHOOSES THAT HE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. You are to die for…
I can do nothing right… – Who has defined what you do as wrong? Your teachers, your friends, your family, your job? Sorry to each of these but this has no worth… God defines right and God defines wrong… If society defines it, God is wrong and sciences is right…
The last Myth:
Someone is afraid of losing you. He was afraid of losing me and so many before me and after me… So HE died… IF YOU DIE, GOD WILL CRY… He goes after us, and He seeks us… HE never wants to lose you. Nor would I… You are important to me, yes I might not know you, but I cannot see a life lost… I am afraid of losing you because I know how God feels, I feel it… And this breaks my heart.
God bless, and do contact me if you feel the need…
REMEMBER… YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH… BECAUSE GOD SAID SO…