This is an interesting post… It is about my biggest struggle… And yet I have no victory at all in this… Or at least I do not know if I have…
Video: Jon Jorgenson Youtube Channel
For the past 3 weekends I have experienced a depression day, as I would call it, which was somewhere between 24 and 48 hours of pure depression… And I do not know how to beat this yet… All I know is that I feel alone at this point… And I really miss my 2 best friends in the world… Whom I never really see… And I wish that I could visit them at one point again…
Now how does this come in on Sunday is coming… Just stick around… And remember to watch the videos… They give much context…
Now in my Friday I experience that things go drastically wrong… And though I have people around I really miss my two friends because I enjoy talking and hanging out with them… Hours feel like minutes… And it doesn’t matter what happened, I could talk and be in their company for a long time, and I would still want to visit or talk longer…
So, this is all to give the context of why I miss these two wonderful and amazing people…
Now my Saturday:
Video: Jon Jorgenson Youtube Channel
Unfortunately when I get in the depression I am 2 million times more stubborn… And to me stubborn is a norm…
The one friend actually messaged me that she was scared because of my depression, due to it becoming worse…
The worse part is that I can’t even hear my Father speaking to me… I can’t even hear Him as He tries to comfort me… And I feel even more alone… I sometimes go as far as to beg God to just take my life… Because I am just irritated with everything and do not see any use of actually being alive… In this time I do not know how to get my mind back to normal… And I am ready to harm someone who messes with me…
My Saturday is basically waiting out my depression and fighting with God, if I am not to far gone… This is when everyone tries to help me… And then it is basically to late…. When I actually get to this point, I am basically not in any way possible to be helped… And I become scary and people then start trying to get me to see reason, even though I always only see doubt…
On my Sunday:
Video: Jon Jorgenson Youtube Channel
My Sundays are normally when I get this one thing, this one person who knows how to break through my pain… Or God drops something in my spirit, and I actually break down and cry and I am not sure then how to cope.
This brings me out of me pit of hell, into a new feeling, where I am a little stronger (well at least i feel like it), yet when the next one comes it has more hours and is even harder to cope…
After Sunday has come I hear God clearer… Yet I remain as weak as I was, because I do not know how to defend myself… If it wasn’t for my two friends, I would most likely not have been able to write this post today… I haven’t seen them, but I am praying for it, and in some cases maybe even for a break-through of another kind… I do miss both of them… And I would be sorry if I never see them again… But for now I have to ask God for more strength….
God bless… Sunday is coming